I remember the first time I read Blue Like Jazz, my heart slipped out of my chest and onto my sleeve. I would read, pause, close my eyes, open my eyes, and read it all over again. The pages consumed me.

Donald Miller has grown since then, and it’s a beautiful thing to see humanity continue to become itself. However, this one little piece written about a time at college gets me over and over again because humility, responsibility, and acceptance should never be grown out of. It hits me right in the heart. I melt, want to change, and then see little to nothing look differently afterwards.

So, in the book, there’s this time he’s in college and something comes over him. He decided with a couple people to make a confessional booth during the college’s biggest party rather than make a christian booth people could come to hear about Jesus at. They showed up with cigars and sat inside this little booth thinking no one would come. But, they do. The people come, totally high, or wasted, but they come.

And then, Miller apologizes. He apologizes on behalf of the church. Yeah, no jokes, he literally says the church hasn’t been on her best behaviour, and we’re sorry about it. He says ‘we’ as though he understands he is a part of the church. Like his words, actions, lack of words and actions mean something.

I wondered about that a lot today while this craziness goes on around me about who shouldn’t be Prime Minister, who shouldn’t use red cups, who shouldn’t take in refugees, who shouldn’t wear niqabs, who shouldn’t be in the bar, who shouldn’t, who shouldn’t, who shouldn’t.

I considered getting rid of Facebook again because it disgraces me, it disgraces us all the way we type, think, speak online. So loudly we proclaim opinions without having known anyone involved. We shout loudly from rooftops but it is more cursing than praising we scream. We get upset with our government but, when was the last time you volunteered for the government or stepped into one of its parties? We complain about the younger people wasting their life away but, when was the last time you mentored one? We’ve got all these opinions but no room for argument. We’ve left little room for humility, responsibility, or acceptance.

I don’t want to apologize here either. I don’t think that’s the point. I hope that my life might looking more like that scene in Miller’s book, or I suppose in Miller’s life. I hope my life begins to look like a series of love for people who are wasted, or really high, but decide to still come. The ones who might show up in my life at Chapters and Starbucks, and street corners, inside elevators, across the hall and the ones who-without knowing me at all- might only find my heart sitting there on my sleeve like an opened book. Like a confessional that I’m human; but I’ll put myself out there to try loving people before I allow myself to be against them. Love mostly looks like humans with or without cigars setting up shop inside a huge party on campus, confessing humanness to connect with… humanness.

Miller tells about how one kid came into this confessional and heard Miller apologize to him on behalf of the church. You know what happened? He bawled. The kid just started bawling, and I wonder if he just hugged Miller, wiped his snot on the sleeve Miller wore his heart on. I wonder what it would feel like if we all did the same. Let’s stop being so visibly against stuff behind computer screens and locked up minds.

Let’s get a little snot up on our sleeve. Yeah, the sleeve you decided to wear your heart on.