I wrote a big long post about how cool you are, why I love you, and why I get to speak into your life.

And then I realized it was excessive. I erased it all.

Here’s the shortened version:I love you. Like a brother, I really do. I get to speak into your life because I’m your sister. I’m not a boy expert, but I don’t care to be either. Guys speak powerfully into my life all the time, and it should be the same the other way around. It’s good. So, thanks for letting me be that girl.

There’s something strange about your gender which I don’t get. See, as chicks, we don’t stop real-talks. As dudes, you don’t… stop… saying… “awesome“…? Okay, I don’t know what you do a ton of, but what you don’t do often is really real-talk. In a lot of ways, that makes you cool. But, in a lot of other ways, that just makes you look cool.

I dated a guy once who kept everything about his life to himself. The stuff I heard about were his successes, what he did at work, who pissed him off at work, and what movie he wanted to watch when he got home. From the outside looking in, you’d think this wasn’t a whole person. He was; he had fears, struggles, hopes, and dreams, but I never heard about them. No one ever really did.

I think a lot of people talk about what we’re all doing wrong. I think that’s such a rough start to addressing the real issue. The Bible tells us we’ve got to cut things off at the root, not the reaction. All the bad thoughts, the dark thoughts need to go, and they don’t go away because we wish them away. They leave because we speak with our brothers in Christ to dispel any power they think they had. Yeah, what I’m suggesting is to talk before the thought starts showing itself physically! WHOA, right?

I’ve decided there is a cycle with silence. Okay, I didn’t make this up. It’s biblical. It all starts with a thought (to get wasted, sext, porn surf, doubt your purpose/dream), which leads to an internal response. That response typically starts as “I need to talk with someone”, but ends with, “Nope, won’t do that again!” or, “I will not be known as ‘that'”. So you keep quiet, but show it in poor choices. The whole thing ends in surface relationships and lack of joint purpose. Which leads to a thought, an internal response, and an external reaction… you get it. All in all though, this cycle creates masks over your life, purpose, and relationships. These soon become known as the secrets you keep, the lies you hold. The death you allow to creep over your life.

I think it’s the devil himself.

But seriously the bible tells us the devil ensnares us. The Bible also tells us we can be free from that. And, we should live free from the Silence Cycle and its repercussions. When we allow ourselves to live honestly, we might lose a couple no-good-anyhow-friends, but it might be worth it in the end. What is it to gain a world of friends (even in the church – hear this – even in the church) and lose your soul? But seriously, what is it worth to you? However, it’s just as true to ask why you might hold back from a dude you could trust. I think you dudes need to get all up in each others faces. You need each other. In the good and in the bad!

When we begin living transparently, we begin to notice freedom from the secrecy & lies. Or like, your favourite sports team winning game, after game, after game, after game. It’s thrilling. It brings joy, a literal smile, and a confidence of who Christ is rather than a hiding of who you’re trying not to be. It also brings the right sort of friendship around you. The kind that actually cares, and actually cares to be honest with you too.

I talked with a bunch of you and put together a couple of things that you decided made for a transparent life.

  1. SHOW YOU CARE: You might assume I mean to show others you care about them. But, scripture tells us we can’t love someone else until we know first how to love ourselves. If you care about yourself, you’ll find someone to be honest with. And, you won’t let people into your life if you’re not willing to honour them with transparency.
  2. SHOW YOU’RE WHOLE: One of you wrote in saying “I found out it was okay to feel! I just had to navigate those emotions with wisdom.” So GOOD. Show people you feel. Don’t just show us you are funny. Don’t just show us you’re cool. Show us you feel, and that you’re working through those emotions with wisdom.
  3. DON’T GO ALONE: Another one of your wrote in to say, “The weight of being alone in it (struggle) was greater than the embarrassment or vulnerability I’d feel in revealing it to someone.” SO GOOD. Now, don’t show all this to a girl, that’s inappropriate unless you’re in a long-term/marriage relationship (even then, get a dude to talk with). And don’t show this to everyone, we’re not all worthy of your trust. But go find a friend, see if it works. If it doesn’t, find another trustworthy dude. Try and try and try and try again until it works. DO NOT GIVE UP.

Okay, lastly let’s hear from the girls. This is what they had to say when it came to their hope for guys in the church. These are amazing, godly chicks who have compassion for their counterparts and, so happen to be single. They can sniff guys who hide from anywhere and it turns out, they hope the best for you too.

“I want guys to be more honest about their insecurities. About their fears and frustrations about being ‘leaders’. Be honest, don’t wear masks.”

“Girls are always shown we can be honest, and we can. I guess I just want guys to know they can and should be honest because… they can.”

“Actually I’m not even looking to date someone in the church right now. They’re better at hiding who they really are than the guys outside the church. I need an honest partner, not a perfect one.”

You know, we get caught up thinking we’re doing life alone, or that our decisions in the dark can’t be so bad for ourselves or others. Let me just remind you that your body is not your own the moment you chose to follow Christ, and in fact, your are simply part of The Body. Your choices impact the rest of us.

So, there you have it gents. The godly chicks are on your side too. And, in the long run, we hope to hear you dudes chatting amongst yourself… maybe even, too much.

So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.  Ephesians 4:25