It’s late, and maybe I shouldn’t be writing. I’m embarking on this journey from home here in Canada all the way to Australia tomorrow. I should know why, but in all honesty, I don’t. I’m excited to go and adventure, but I’ve never once planned for adventure without an itinerary. I had this awful job and thought once I busted out of there I’d go to the furthest ends of the earth to breathe again. After ten years of working tirelessly, I’d walked away from that old admin chair and heard hardly a goodbye from those I worked for. It’s been all too easy to live tirelessly for others, which I believe is different than say, serving others with my life. I’m thirty years old and just realizing I should figure out my life. It’s not a question of identity. I’d say I have a firm enough grasp on that. But I wonder about where my life has ended up. I never intended so much of what’s happened and am nearly ashamed of this current state. Where do I work when I get back? Will anyone take me after traveling for two months instead of being a responsible adult? Or should I go to one of the three schools I’ve been accepted to? Should I work and go to school? Should I still live in my sister’s spare room? Should I move to the basement suite in the city instead? Should I suck it up and buy a condo and not go to school so I can pay condo fees out my butt? Also, how am I so non-employed and yet running so tired every day from all these commitments I’ve made? Aren’t I too old for all this? Too young for all this? All to which I hear the question of a friend like bells in my head, “Shouldn’t you have done all this like, ten years ago?” Yes. Yes I’m sure I should have but looks like time travel won’t work now. Also, thanks Tips. How are there so many choices and yet such an indecisive woman standing curiously at them all? I don’t lie awake because I’m a victim of zero options. I toss and turn because there are far too many things to say yes to. There are far too many people, places, organizations, churches, orphans, family, friends, jobs, and things to say yes to. I haven’t even finished packing for an adventure I don’t quite understand why I’ve planned. Perhaps the adventure is just that; not fully prepared and not even sure why. Then again, maybe it’s not so flimsy either. What is clear, what is most certain is any adventure requires the questions, the confusion and the little clarifies alike. No journey is complete, real, or deep without them. I’m certain of it with this adventure to Aussie, and in life. I’m going so soon and I’d like you to join me. It won’t be flawless and I won’t promise anything flashy like the infomercials do. But maybe along the way we can figure out why we’re so bombarded with choice, and what exactly we do with it all to live a life as though it were actually purposed. My goodness it’s so late… and maybe I shouldn’t even be writing.