whitepgThe fifth and last time I was admitted into that hospital for my second round of cancer, I cried out to God, “If you save me, I will do anything for you!” I’d never have expected what would befall me next.

The idea of death wasn’t something unnatural I’d have to face. I practically grew up with death walking only a few steps behind me. Even as a young child, my twin sister and I would rely on each other for everything to get through life. Whether it was acting out the rage we couldn’t display anywhere else, or holding each other for dear life, she became my built-in companion and friend. We just needed to make it through, and as such young children this is what we’d figured we could do. Of course it was strange that we’d fight so badly, but to me, this was all part of the dramatic package I’d assumed was simply life. Isn’t trauma and terror just part and package of life?

There were just so many spoken and unwritten rules in my childhood home that I didn’t know what to expect. Ever. Combine these ever-changing rules with four step-fathers, alcohol, and constant domestic abuse, and you’ve got a potent recipe for major destruction.

I’d always keep it together for the world to see while I was in school, but eventually as an adult I’d found my way into the deceitful arms of partying. I’d learned how to function in dysfunction from such a young age that I was able to remain professional at work while I was partying. Somehow amidst all those drugs, the drinking and sexual promiscuity, I’d even continued to receive promotions.

I was married and endured the loss of my child, Keith Christopher, in a stillborn birth. Following the path of my past, I’d stuffed the pain of this loss for twenty years. Maybe this was the will of God, I’d thought at the loss of my child. After my marriage fell apart to divorce, I’d remarried to find myself and my new husband stuck in a cycle of loss and failure I couldn’t seem to just up and walk away from. Partying, bankruptcy, losing our home, and intimacy only when one of us were high or drunk, I’d wondered if I were really just meant to live in something that just felt more like death upon death.

And then I was told about the cancer living in my body for the first time. Are you kidding me? Cancer too? I was so exhausted, filled with despair and literally burnt out. I couldn’t keep up with the game. It had to end. And so I ended up in rehab, and my husband and I got clean and sober June 27th, 1992.

So when I was diagnosed yet again with cancer four years after the first time around, fear and trauma set in. Three operations, chemotherapy, saying goodbye to my hair, and giving myself shots every day almost daily for a year; all in just one year. That was when the complications set in, and I’d have to go into that hospital five times.

And on that fifth time, I spoke to God in sincerity. Save me, and I’ll choose you. And I could have never have expected what would follow. He spoke back. My husband and I have never been the same. We’ve found healing in Christ, freedom from pain, addictions, cancer, shame, guilt, anger and hatred. Everything that was bringing death, he covered with His new life.

Want to know what He told me that last time in the hospital? I’ll share it because well, He chose me in my mess, and I’ll never be the same:

“Well done, my good and faithful servant; you have persevered. I want you to go out and tell everyone of the good news of what I have done for you”- Abba Father of Marilyn.

Wow, thanks Marilyn for sharing your story. I (Dee) had the honor of meeting with Marilyn & her husband Wayne nearly two years ago to go through a ministry which was a huge catalyst in their life. Little would I know this ministry would be the beginning of wisdom and restoration in my very own life. I had heard about it from a friend’s friend who’d also done Restoring The Foundations with Wayne & Marilyn, and found incredible freedom from the stalking power of death. Both Marilyn and Wayne have incredible testimonies of God’s redemptive power which you can read by clicking here.

Are you ready to get free? Ready for a change? Ready for the more of Christ’s desire to give you life to the full? I really encourage you to check out their ministry, Freedomtrain Ministries, and consider taking a bold step into freedom for your very own life.

OR do you have a story from your life to share? Click here to get started!