I made an incredibly stupid mistake last night.

Ugh.

I googled. I didn’t look up anything inappropriate or inevitably bad, just looking for some advice for a really tough situation I’m trying to navigate. Ugh. I know, I know, I know. What an awful idea.oops

I should also know by now the internet is a dangerous and rude place, for which ONLY natural cough remedies and new slow cooker recipes should be Googled… Never should I search subjects of deeply personal matters or theologically battled issues. Really though, after a few hours I just found a lot of guilt and shame. Take good note I did not say conviction, I said guilt & I said shame. I found very little hope for my future and a whole lot of rude, thoughtless words from those who’d never even come close to an experience like this, or never found a way out of experiencing their past. Aren’t we to speak full of truth and grace? And yes, full of truth requires you to know all of the truth in the words of God Himself. And yes full of grace means you speak with love, mercy and hope, not rejection or defeat. Grace which no one is exempt from requiring…. God knows. Actually, only God knows. Where had my mind drifted my heart towards!?

My neck is sore and I think I’ve cracked teeth in half I clenched my jaw so hard during what little sleep I could find. I’d like to simply say oops, but some things won’t go away so easily. And this morning I’m just grateful for the redemption of Christ, aren’t you?

I finally turned off the computer full of tears and deep, heavy grief while turning on my bedside lamp to find some scripture I’d written out for times of need. I sighed. I was in great need and yet already filled my head. At this point, an IV of His Good Word would do well. And the first one I picked up said this:

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yield its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither“. Psalm 1.1-3

I sigh and pray outside my head and sigh. Cry a little and sigh some more while I repent of this foolish heart to seek wisdom from man. From people I don’t even know or could trust. What harm it does a heart… oh my heart. And good counsel from people you know, love and can trust is good, but Google counsel is most often not.

I’m praying today you’ll meet me by streams of water, planted firmly in the word, wisdom, and love of Christ. That you might you find yourself wrapped in the delight the word of our Lord gives us; full of hope for our future and far from the grip of shame and guilt from a past He’s already redeemed us from.

Learning how not to Google,

Dee