One of the most difficult, and beautiful lessons I’m learning is life is about responsibility. It’s gut-wrenching difficult being in remission of the ‘mom-complex’ I’d learned to live by as a young girl. No, I don’t even have children. I took care of people though. That’s what I did. And taking care of others leads you to a choice- either you become responsible to them, or responsible for them. It is the very difference between understanding true, and false responsibility. Being a child, I didn’t understand the wayward hidden in my ways. I chose the latter. Perhaps you had too?

Sometimes, out of a controlling nature, protective nature or even simply out of fear, we end up taking responsibility for others, which is something we were never intended to do. I’ve made a list below of factors that point to a person who knows they can only take care of themselves while being responsible with their life to others, versus a person who is responsible for others, usually producing an inability to care for themselves.

It’s difficult to remove yourself from being responsible for others, but it is freeing both for you, and those whom you feel so unhealthily tied to.

When I feel responsible TO others:

I show empathy, I encourage, I share, I confront, I level with them, I listen, I am sensitive, I feel relaxed, I feel free, I feel aware, I feel high self-esteem. I am concerned with relating person-to-person, aware of their feelings, discovering the truth, the big picture and relating. I am a helper-guide, I expect the person to be responsible for self and I can trust God and let go.

When I feel responsible FOR others:

I fix, I protect, I rescue, I control, I carry their feelings, I don’t listen, I am insensitive. I feel tired, anxious, fearful and liable. I am concerned with the solution, answers, circumstances, being right, detail and performance. I am a manipulator, I expect the person to live up to my expectations, and I feel fearful and hang on.

I encourage you to take the first sample, and find one or two items on that list you can work on this week {I’m doing the same thing}. Recognizing the negative needs to drive us to working out through the positive. Here’s a great poem to encourage you. Let me know how you make out after this week- I’d love to hear!

Let Go– Author Unknown

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring

It just means I can’t do it for someone else

To let go is not to cut myself off

It is the realization that I don’t control them

To let go is not to enable

But to allow learning from natural consequences

To let go is to admit my powerlessness

Which means the outcome is not in my hands

To let go is not to try and change or blame another

I can only change myself

To let go is not to care for

But to care about

Not to fix

but to be supportive

Not to judge

but to allow another to be a human being

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes

But to allow others to effect their own outcomes

To let go is not to be protective

It’s to permit another to face reality

To let go is not to deny

But to accept

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue

But to search out my own shortcomings and correct them

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires

But to take each day as it comes and cherish each moment

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone

But to try to become what I dream I can be

To let go is not to regret the past

But to grow and live for the future

To let go is to fear less and love more

To let go, is to Let God